I learned a powerful lesson today from my aunt. My uncle. One I’ve heard in so many ways. But as I sat here just crying. Again. She sat with me. Crying with me. And read the most beautiful poetry. It reminds me of Pres. Hinckley and Monson. I’m going to search for poetry. She keeps a journal of the most powerful and comforting poems to help her grieve. She explained how you need input to have the output of grief. How I often feel numb. I cry but don’t feel relief. Today I did. It was a mindful exercise.
Something I want to absolutely start practicing. And she just taught me that loving myself as I am. Knowing that I am doing my best and my kids will choose what they will because they have that choice…I can’t worry over it. All I can do is begin to release the shame I carry for the guilt I feel over migraines. For divorce. For things I miss with them. She explained it doesn’t matter. What matters is what we have now. And if I show them I love me, then that makes them strong. I never saw that. I have been grieving all I am not to them. All I have not been I feel I should have been. But she reminded me that God knew I would have these things. And my kids would. And that these things would give them the lessons we would need for us. So I’m writing this so I never forget. This lesson I learned. The Spirit I felt. The peace I felt. I still feel. My prayer was heard. Again. When I couldn’t sing because I felt not enough today. The fear that was overcoming me. All that I just could never measure up to. But she took me into her arms. And spoke what my heart. My soul. Needed. God gave us so many different people. Angels to help us. And my Aunt and Uncle are two of them.