To my mom

Full moon. That is a known trigger. Plus I have had this insomnia. Another prodrome I didn’t know before. I learn a lot from my letters each month. Thank you for being a mom of steel. We butt heads. But in the end. What I have always known is that you fight for us. 💜. We may fight. But you have always fought for us. When I couldn’t fight for myself. And I need to make your letter. But this is what it’s about. I see how we are different. But they can be good ones. You have things inside you I don’t. Things I need to learn from. And I have things that I have a passion for because I was blessed to have parents to say hey. Go to Samoa. And when I thought I could not go on so many days. You have fought for me and my kids. Whether it was me going back to school. Or being with them on field trips. Or being at the pool. Or being so involved with their teachers and making sure you hold that bar high for them. Or teaching me about plants. Or giving them a stable home. And making sure that church and scouts and YW happen. And the driving. The airport. The movies. The store trips. Yes. I want to be that mom who can. But my trial is to learn what I should do in spite of it all. And at this moment I think it’s to be so thankful. That they have love. That they have you to come to. That when I feel broken because I am not the one doing it all like other moms- being the one at everything. Or the movies. Or taking them on a trip. Or to a store. Or even volunteering in a class, I can keep telling them that other kids don’t have this kind of love. And I don’t know what my future is with migraines. But I’ve been given a gift. To have my children. To have been able to have schooling. To have been able to go to Samoa. To have a home. To have the Gospel in my life. That is the core of my life. Because you and dad decided to be baptized. And be faithful. And teach us to keep our standards. And be examples when we shopped. When we had friends. And I talk to my kids and tell them that you both chose and it wasn’t easy all the time. But you had a testimony and knew what was true. And now my kids share with me theirs. All the time. It’s amazing. That’s why we might stay up a bit later. Or talk too long. But I can’t let those moments go. It’s their time to express to me and me to them those things that have been a lesson. And if all I can do is teach them that yes. That was the Holy Ghost. And yes. When you feel bad and you know you did wrong. Then that’s why we repent and talk to our Heavenly Father. And we take the Sacrament. And we do our best to keep that Spirit close. And do our best to be an example. I see so much in them. They are such beautiful, amazing children. But if I was alone, it would be such a different story. It takes family. Their teachers and leaders. And coaches. And a home where they learn to work together. Play together. And help each other.

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